Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hanging on to emotional dissapointments

So I have read (and heard) about folks hanging on to emotional disappointments. You know what I mean - the boy that never called, the teacher who never understood you, the parents who didn't give you your due credit . . . there are probably a million examples.

Today I have been thinking about another kind of emotional disappointment that often weighs me down - its the guilt that accompanies an unkind word or thoughtless gesture that I may utter on any given day. Or the crappy joke that turns out to be too close to home for someone. Or the held-onto disappointment that come with expecting to be adored or admired and then not receiving that.

Once, in grade six, I made an off-hand comment in choir that a song would be much easier to master once the accompaniment was down pat. It was not intended as a slight or even directed at anyone in particular but the piano teacher (an adult) rose from her stool and told me that I was disrespectful, the piece was very challenging, and I should learn to keep my mouth shut. Ouch. that was a painful lesson for a socially inept child. But it was the beginning of a life long lesson in the power and effect of WORDS.

So many I wish I could take back! So many I wish had come to me in the heat of an argument. So many I wish I had the fortitude and forthrightness to say in a moment of need. These are the emotional disappointments that can weigh me down. Most often I am disappointed in myself.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

100% day

on the Nutrisystem website 100% days are much lauded and much sought after. They are rare and enviable and hard to achieve!

In spite of Nutrisystem having covered all basic components of meals, providing concise lists of what add-on fresh foods are available, giving a pretty comprehensive list of 'extra' and free' foods, free - online and over the phone consellors 24/7 AND community website support . . . it seems that sticking 100% to the diet can be a real challenge!

Doesn't that seem to be true of everything lately - lol?? I have everything I need to keep a clean and organized house. Stay on top of the kid's schedules, prepare healthy meals for my family and deliver 100% on my out of the home commitments. Yet despite my efforts - I hardly ever hit a 100% day.

I try not to be too hard on myself - but I do tend toward an all or nothing personality. Must learn to cut myself some slack - but not tooo much - LOL

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Holiday exchanges

So when I was newly married (almost 15yrs ago), I had all these fanciful dreams of how domestic I could be. You know the ones - beds made in the morning, supper on the table, freshly washed shirts for the DH and of course never a store-bought cookie or Christmas tree ornament would cross my threshold. I think it only took about a month for all of those idealistic ideas to fade into oblivion. I am, after-all, a messy, disorganized, stay up late, sleep in late, hopelessly optomistic actress . . . lol!

Now I know you are saying - wait a minute - Christmas!? It isn't it even HALLOWEEN yet?? Yes I know - but the thing is, Halloween gets me looking forward to Christmas. Really! As much fun as dress-up is, for me, IMHO, Halloween is just the sugar holiday leading up to the all the fun and good stuff holiday - Christmas!! With its magical, mystical, powerful story of salvation through the tiny babe and the good ol' jolly ho, ho, ho of Santa, its do-gooding and elves and treats and magic . . . well - what can beat that? (especially when it is cold and miserable outside?)

Anyway - on to my point and yes I do have one - Christmas Exchanges. This is something I hosted or participated in every year until I moved to the US. Hand-crafted Ornament exchanges and Hand-baked cookie exchanges. Getting together with other idealistic women who dream of having tree decked out and plates overflowing with their love-in-action handicrafts. I wish I could whip up several dozen different kind of cookies and a few dozen different kinds of ornaments for my tree but bah humbug - who has the time?????

I'll tell you what I have time for - ONE batch of cookies or ONE afternoon of crafting. And then ONE evening in December where I meet a bunch of my best girl-friends to exchange said holiday pleasantries and take them home with (almost) equal pride. 'Those cookies are homemade you know' as you place a heaping platter before guests . . . . 'we just have SO many memories on that tree' as company gazes at your be-decked fir . . . . well you get the idea.

So much fun and so much reward - who's on for a cookie exchange this year???

Monday, October 12, 2009

Here comes the rain again . . . .

Hannah and Nathaniel enjoying a rainy Vancouver day in February a couple years ago . . .

So the weather forecasters are predicting the start of the rainy season. And while I really want to complain about the upcoming weather, this past summer and fall have been just excellent weatherwise with far, far less rainy days than previous September/Octobers I have lived through here in the Pacific Northwest.

It does put a damper on the outdoor walking though. Trails that are super fun in the dry months become slippery with mud and leaves. City sidewalks and streets can often be spotted over with little rivers trying to find their quickest way to the drainage systems. And inevitably every year there are several neighbourhoods whose streets become backed up and flooded with rain and tree debris.

Every year about this time I remind myself that I am waterproof - well at least water resistant;). After living here for the last six years I now own several umbrellas. While parkas and boots are no longer necessary, good waterproof shoes and a warm jacket are. Really what kind of Washingtonian am I if I let a little rain (or several months of drizzles and downpours) spoil my outdoor fun??

So this year I am going to try and take the Swedish proverb to heart: “There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad coats”.

Monday Memories

Engagement photos - 1995. Hard to believe it has been that long!!!

Even harder to believe - I learn to love this man that God gave me, not more each day as the cliche goes, but in deserts and storms, dry spells and floods, joys and sorrows, heartfelt and heartache.

Love you E.