Yes, its that time of year again - resolutions, new beginnings, re-starts and do-overs. I always find myself making the same sort of resolutions year after year - more theater, more time with the family, more working out and of course losing weight!
One thing that I tried to do differently this year was think about the successes and the failures I had this past year. While I did great at some areas - landing a couple of dream auditions (and some dream roles too!) completing P90x (something I thought I could never do) and convincing my whole family to go super healthy eating WITH me - there were some failures too.
I messed up not quite HALF of the auditions I went to. I still struggle with my need to please, my nerves and my insecurities! (My classes have been very eye-opening for me in these regards this year!!) I managed to lose and re-gain the same 10lbs about three times this year. SO frustrating!! And I had injuries in my feet (bruised heel and bone fracture in my metatarsal) that keep setting me back again and again.
BUT life is about trying and failing. Its what you do with that failure that matters. To my way of thinking - you either get back up and keep trying - or you quit. There have been times over the past year when I most certainly wanted to QUIT! The pressure of all those auditions and classes - why put myself through it?? The never ending battle of exercise vs injury - it would be MUCH easier to stay on the couch! And speaking of being on the couch - while I am there I think I'll have that bag of chips and just stay fat too!! It is much easier to quit.
But quitting doesn't get me what I really want.
I want to be fit. I want to have muscles. I want to have stamina to do things I enjoy - like play sports, dance or go hiking. I want to LAND THE PART! This means I have to work on my nerves and insecurities - not just the way I look. I have to be okay with not everyone loving me - or even liking me. (falling off metal cliff as I write that - still needs work :) ) I want to give my best at every audition and know that it was good enough. I want to feel good about my body again and fit into clothes that are comfortable and flattering. I want to eat lots of fruits and veggies and I want to Prefer them to junk.
And another thing my failures are teaching me is that it is OK not to be the thinnest. Not to land every part. You dont have to complete p90x to be fit. You dont have to eat perfectly 100% of the time - 90% is adaquate.
I've never been very good at balance in my life. I've always been 110% on board or completely slacking off. This years resolutions reflect striving toward more balance. No extreme diet programs, no extreme fitness programs, no expectations of big roles. Just a lot of hard work and a lot of forgiveness. Hopefully by this time next year I will see the fruits of that ethic in weight loss, fitness and theater. It will be an interesting journey!
Did you make resolutions this year?
Dorinda's 2013 Resolutions
- lose 35lbs
- get hired in Portland theater
- go to 10+ auditions
- buy a swimsuit
- walk for 30min daily
- complete my weight lifting program and then keep going
- get dressed in my workout clothes first thing
- focus on a plant-based whole foods diet
- set aside time for an active family activity every weekend (excepting tech and performance weekends)
- get up at the same time everyday even if it means a nap later in the day